


what IS octokitten pressure?

by alderations



Series: Whumptober/Mechtober 2020 [6]
Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Crackfic adjacent, Gen, Mechtober, Protectiveness, Temporary Character Death, Tentacles, Torture, Whumptober 2020, but like. octokitten torture, jonny gives in to octokitten pressure the fic, not remotely angsty tho i just used the prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:14:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26869507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alderations/pseuds/alderations
Summary: Jonny has to hand it to this guy—gaining control of an entire clowder of octokittens is a significant feat.It’s not the easiest way to take down a Mechanism, by any means, but it’s still impressive. Even someone as wiggly as Jonny doesn’t have room to move when he’s got half a dozen of the beasts hanging off of every limb, with another one perched on top of his head and chirping its little heart out. “What the fuck could you possibly want,” he snarls, shaking one octokitten off his toe before it can land a bite.("Whump"tober Day 6: "get it out"/no more/"stop, please"; Mechtober Day 4-6: family/octokittens)
Series: Whumptober/Mechtober 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1950916
Comments: 16
Kudos: 116
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	what IS octokitten pressure?

Jonny has to hand it to this guy—gaining control of an entire clowder of octokittens is a significant feat.

It’s not the easiest way to take down a Mechanism, by any means, but it’s still impressive. Even someone as wiggly as Jonny doesn’t have room to move when he’s got half a dozen of the beasts hanging off of every limb, with another one perched on top of his head and chirping its little heart out. “What the fuck could you  _ possibly  _ want,” he snarls, shaking one octokitten off his toe before it can land a bite.

“You’ll find out if you come quietly. Otherwise I’ll be forced to unleash my minions on you,” the man grumbles.

“Your— _ your  _ minions? That’s bold. No one controls the octokittens, much less a fucking stowaway.”

The man, who’s decked out in a stereotypical lab coat-turtleneck combo and chunky glasses that honestly look quite nice under his shock of salt-and-pepper hair, scowls down at Jonny. “Sic ‘em, kittens.”

Before Jonny can process what’s happening, there’s a fuzzy tentacle up his nose, reaching far enough that he’s positive the creature is trying to pull his brain out. “Stop, stop, what the fuck! Stop it! Get it  _ out!” _

The man makes a strange clicking sound, and the octokitten withdraws. “Does that change your mind?”

“Who the fuck  _ are _ you?”

“Dr. Pilchard, at your service. Well, actually, scratch that last part.” He stalks closer, squatting in front of Jonny and giving the octokitten that just tried to de-brain him a gentle pat on the head. “I don’t plan on doing you any services. I just need to get you all together, and then we can move on.”

Jonny narrows his eyes. “Get us all…? How many octokittens did you  _ train?” _

“Oh, the cats are only for you. Everyone else is already in the brig.”

For the first time, the mild irritation on Jonny’s face blanches into genuine fear. “What the fuck did you do with my crew.”

“Nothing permanent,” Dr. Pilchard insists. “Not that many things  _ can  _ be permanent. Like I said, I literally just need you all in one place, and then—”

“Tell me what you did.”

Unswayed by Jonny’s attempt at intimidation, Dr. Pilchard makes another weird mouth noise, and a different octokitten sticks a tentacle in his ear. He’s been bit by the damn things plenty of times, but he never realized how dangerous they can be from the  _ other  _ end. “Fucking—cut it  _ out,  _ you awful abomination! What is your  _ problem?” _

Another click, another merciful octokitten. “If I tell you what I did with your crew, will you come quietly?”

Jonny rolls his eyes. “Fine, I’ll do what you want. Not like I can’t just eat you after we’re all done here,” he mumbles, just loud enough that Pilchard can hear and flatten his mouth into a thin line.

“I wish I hadn’t done enough research to know that’s a genuine threat. Anyway. Your doctor’s a right weirdo, just so curious about how I managed to take anyone else out that he followed me like a lost puppy. The librarian’s naive as you’d expect for someone who can’t remember anything before today. Chloroformed the scientist; lab safety isn’t her forte, apparently. And I really expected the robots to be more of a challenge.”

At the word  _ robot,  _ Jonny’s eyes widen. “What did you—”

“The wooden one wanted to be included,” Pilchard barrels on, “so I didn’t have to  _ do  _ anything. Plugged a glorified flash drive into the cyborg. Then the big one… I did enough research to know that he wouldn’t hurt me on the right setting, but as soon as I waved a gun around, he just did whatever I said.”

“What the  _ fuck  _ does that mean.”

Pilchard snorts. “Nothing nefarious. I don’t have time to waste, after all. The other two took a bit more… effort.”

One of the octokittens on Jonny’s left arm starts to lick his elbow, rasping its horrible tongue over the same spot again and again until his skin is rubbed raw. “Could you cut the villainous monologue bullshit and just  _ tell me  _ already?”

“Shot the quartermaster. I got lucky, too; I don’t think I would’ve survived had they seen me before I got them. The gunner, well…” Pilchard flexes his right hand, which Jonny realizes is bandaged. “He nearly caught me by surprise. So I let him bleed out, just to give the fucker a taste of his own medicine.”

At that, every octokitten clinging to Jonny’s body freezes, staring directly at Pilchard. It’s freaky, if Jonny is to be honest, because if the octokittens collectively fixate on something, that  _ something  _ is probably about to die a horrendous death. He doesn’t say as much to Pilchard, of course. “Fine. Fine. Just—get the fucking cats off me so I can get up.”

“Octokittens, lead the way.” As a unit, the octokittens heft Jonny off the ground and ooze away, heading for the brig, while Jonny shouts and squirms helplessly in their slimy grasp. When they arrive, the rest of the Mechanisms are already sitting in a loose circle on the floor, bound in a comically thick web of ropes. “Good kittens. I’ve got plenty of treats waiting for you on my ship, don’t you worry.”

One of the octokittens responds with a tiny mew, while another leaves Jonny to sidle over to Ivy and pat her face with a tentacle.

Then Dr. Pilchard gives them his spiel about immortality, which is frankly boring in Jonny’s eyes, and Brian makes an ass of himself with his constant need to be ‘helpful’ and ‘honest.’ As Brian leads the intruder away, heading for Carmilla’s lab, the octokittens disappear one by one, until it’s just the eight remaining Mechanisms in various stages of healing. “He, uh. He didn’t hurt any of you too badly, right?” Jonny asks, making his voice as gruff as possible to counteract any genuine emotion.

“Fucker cut my jugular,” Tim whines.

“I’ve done m-much worse to you.” Nastya’s voice glitches mid-sentence, which is jarring, but when Jonny snaps his head up to stare at her, she waves off his concern. “System’s still working through the v-virus. Should be— _ errorparsingsynonym— _ ahem. Should be  _ fine  _ in no time.”

Before he can check in with anyone else (or be called out for giving a shit about them), Jonny hears a horrendous scream coming from deep within the ship. “Well, sounds like Brian did his job,” he murmurs.

That doesn’t help them out of the ropes, though, so they sit together and wait for Brian to return. Before the pilot shows his face again, the octokittens start to return, blood dripping suspiciously from their fur as they trickle through the doorway and make a beeline for Tim. Within minutes, he’s covered in the damn things. “This is the best moment of my life,” Tim whispers, careful not to disturb the purring mass on top of his chest.

“Of course they like  _ you,”  _ Jonny complains. “Fuckers got all protective when Pilchard mentioned killing you. But when he told them to stick their tentacles in my fucking  _ brain—” _

“Shut up. Let me have this.”

**Author's Note:**

> alright so this is not angsty I'm sorry. I backed myself into a corner prompt-wise and like, there ARE ways that I could've made it truly angsty, but those were not places I wanted to go! fear not, I have plenty of juicier ideas for upcoming days :3c and also. alder says hot pilchard rights. i dont make the rules.
> 
> apologies if this makes Zero Sense Whatsoever also ;-; feel free to comment and tell me if there are sentences that are incomprehensible, I'm very out of it today. lol.
> 
> as always find me on tumblr @alderations and pat me gently on the head like a non-murderous octokitten


End file.
